so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Alive.
So much puke
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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