I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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