Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
