Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
50% drunk capacity currently
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
