do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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