i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
