The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
