If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
