I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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