I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
