Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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