dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
