I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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