She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
