4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He shit in the fireplace
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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