Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
