my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
