You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
