What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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