She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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