I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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