Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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