i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
