I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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