Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
