I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
