Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
