just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
