a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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