That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
