dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
