I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
