I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
