They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
