winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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