I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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