I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
