I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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