i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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