im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
