I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
