She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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