i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
