I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
