meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
