you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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