i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
