wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
