does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
