apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
